Marriage can either be a wonderful experience, or a horrible experience. All in all, it all boils down to—what the two people really want to put into their marriage, and what they expect out of the marriage. They should never get married and hope things fall into place.
People should research the person they are marrying before making that life changing decision. The two of them should sit down and have an adult conversation, before marriage, about what he and she expects from the marriage. During this time, they should also openly discuss what they are willing to do to meet those expectations. Marriage isn’t going to work simply because two people decide to say “I do”.
Recently, I was speaking with a friend about his marriage, and how he was just fed up. He was very frustrated and ready to file the divorce papers only after 5 months of marriage. This puzzled me quite a bit, so I decided to ask him –"what is the reason you want to end your marriage after such short time"? My friend began to explain. He starts out by telling me that he really loves his wife and her children deeply, but he feels like he married his wife mainly out of guilt. He felt guilty for them losing contact years ago when they first attempted to date, and he also felt guilty for how the men in the past had treated her. He married her because he didn’t want her to slip away again, and because he felt like this opportunity for him to be in her life was not by chance. Taking things at such a fast pace, they never really sat down and discussed the expectations of the marriage, and what they were going to do to meet those expectations. Immediately, things are off to a difficult start.
My friend doesn’t have any children, but his wife has three children from a previous relationship. Although the children are not his, he loves them and treats them as if they were. The only issue he says that he has about the children, is the fact that he has never met their father. He has never even had a conversation with the father, and his wife is not interested in letting him speak to the father, much less meet him. The children’s father calls and talks to their mother, but has yet had any interaction with the man that’s standing in the home as “daddy” to his children. My friend feels like the father is truly a dead beat that doesn’t support his children financially, nor does he do his part in raising them.
Outside of the children, my friend is concerned that his wife talks to her friends more than she talks to him. In addition, he feels like she comes down on him about money situations, but refuses to make the children’s father pay child support. As if things were not already getting tangled, he confessed his concerns about the children’s father calling when he wasn’t around, and his wife simply tells him she’ll handle the situation. Since letting her know his concerns, she has started turning the ringer off on her cell phone, and she tells him that she does this because the email alerts wake her up at night.
Recently, the children’s father asked to have sex with the mother even-though he knew she was married. She told my friend days later, and said she waited so long to tell him that because she forgot.
I am all for marriage, and I try to always give the best advice I possibly can. I strongly urge married people to put as much work as they possibly can into their marriage before they decide to call it quits. I gave him my two cents on the situation, but was curious as to what you all think. Let me know….better yet help the brotha out and let him know your honest opinions!
