Happily Miserable

When people enter relationships, most of them have unrealistic expectations. Ideally, we all would love to fall in love with the man or woman of our dreams, and be happy with that person for the rest of our lives, but reality states that even if we find that person we’ve been dreaming about, life isn’t that simplistic. There are many speed bumps on the roads, many roads with very little light, and many roads that will have dead ends. Each person comes into the relationship with independent thoughts and feelings, but most importantly, different ways of viewing life. Too often, one person gets too consumed with the other person’s life, and forgets how to think, act and feel independent. This lack of independence becomes burdensome on the other mate and causes major problems in the relationship. People need to understand that there is no such thing as a person completing them. We are born a complete person and the other person should be complimentary to our lives. Each person in the relationship should continue to have a life outside of each other because it makes a healthier relationship. Going out occasionally with friends and family provides the person an outlet that may not exist if they only spent time with each other. Besides, time a part helps you learn to appreciate each other more.



When you genuinely love a person, their ability to be independent is challenging sometimes, yet very respected and appreciated. A person with independent thoughts and feelings is very attractive, not to mention, quite interesting. It shows strength and makes for great conversations. When a person lacks independence, it’s a clear sign of weakness and insecurity. Each person in the relationship should want to contribute the relationship and not depend on the other to do all the work. Communication in a relationship is critical, and when one person is so dependent on the other’s input, this is very draining and will eventually lead to a break-up.

If you find yourself always in agreement with your mate, you haven’t learned to think independently. You have suppressed your feelings and feed off your partner’s feelings because you think this is more pleasing to them. I’m not saying be inconsiderate of your partner’s feelings, but know that you are entitled to your own. By no means am I saying you should disagree all the time, but occasionally, you should validly disagree because you two are different people with different lives and don’t think alike all the time. On the other hand, if you find yourself always disagreeing, you haven’t learned how to compromise or be respectful of your partner’s feelings. Too much disagreeing is detrimental to the relationship as well because it shows that one person is controlling in their thoughts and feelings and forceful in getting the other person to understand their points of view. It’s perfectly ok to disagree. In fact, couples that have spent many years together understand that you must agree to disagree for the relationship to work and be worthwhile. No relationship is perfect, and all will have speed bumps, but it’s up to the drivers to figure out how they will get over the bumps.

No one in a relationship should suppress their thoughts and feelings just to please the other person. You will definitely have to do some compromising, but no one should be happily miserable. By that I mean – you have no idea what makes you happy because you have consumed your life with your partner’s view. Always be independent in your thoughts and express your feelings to your partner. The happiest couples agree to disagree, and have open lines for communication. This isn’t easy and does require a great deal of compromising and understanding, but so worth the work.