Shante and her husband Greg, who were mutual friends of Keyon and Candi, introduced Keyon and Candi to each other one day. Keyon and Candi had never met each other in person before, and had only spoken over phone. However, after briefly talking over phone, Keyon and Candi decided to meet each other for dinner.
On their first dinner date, sparks immediately start to intensify between Keyon and Candi. He liked how she looked, she liked how he looked, and they both enjoyed each other’s conversation. The idea of marriage and kids were brought up during conversation by both of parties, as an option if their relationship progressed forward. The fact that neither of them had any children was a plus. That night, since Keyon and Candi enjoyed each other’s company so much, they both decided to keep in touch and continue seeing each other. The first month or so everything went great. The two of them were talking all the time, texting each other all the time, meeting up at his place all the time (no sex), and were just enjoying each other’s company.
The cards were playing right. After a month of knowing Keyon and being in this relationship, Candi gave up her goodies. Not to mention, they didn't use any protection! Their first sexual encounter was on Keyon's living room floor, and the sex was off the chain. Everything seemed copasetic. Then, Keyon started to pull away from her. He started to only call her on Sunday nights. His phone calls to her turned more into text messages and emails, and the invites to come over to his place became less and less frequent. In fact, he only called if it was late at night, and he wanted sex (no condom). Other than the late night sex sessions, Keyon pretty much continued to brush Candi off. She would invite him to go out, he would agree, but never kept his word and wouldn't show.
After a year of dating, Candi and Keyon had gone out only once together, and that was the first date. Candi's birthday came and went, and she received no card, no email, and no text message from Keyon. He didn't give her anything. Keyon had placed Candi on the back burner. Finally, Candi got frustrated and decided to bring things to Keyon's attention. She told Keyon that he could have at least gotten her a card for her birthday, and his response was that he would get her one. Keyon planted another lie on her. She didn't get a card, but she continued to be the late night booty call.
Fed up with the situation, Candi consulted with her friend Shante as to why she thought things went wrong, and why Keyon started pulling back. No answer was good enough for Candi. At first, Shante tried to justify Keyon's behavior with his work schedule because he does have a pretty demanding job, but then Shante wondered if it had something to do with a list Candi had taken over to Keyon's house to show him. See, Candi made a list of things about what she wanted in a man, and deemed it necessary to show Keyon. Mainly, Candi wanted to know how Keyon felt about her, and where did he see the relationship in a year or two.
For whatever reason(s), it became apparent that Keyon was not in to Candi. Maybe Candi's list was too demanding, who knows, but something happened that made Keyon change his mind about pursing Candi. Whatever that something was, is a mystery, but Shante assumed it could have very well been the list that scared him off. Possibly, it could have been the sex, but whatever it was, it was something that made him stop responding like he was in the beginning. After dealing with this non-sense for a while, Candi decided it was time to question Keyon about his behavior. Keyon told her he felt like nothing had changed between them. Either Keyon was just plain clueless, or not on the same level with her. Yeah right! He knew fully darn well, that things had taken a sour turn. To no surprise, she threatens him with saying “I don't want to see you anymore", and his response was “whatever, I don’t care”, then he hanged up.
For whatever reason(s), it became apparent that Keyon was not in to Candi. Maybe Candi's list was too demanding, who knows, but something happened that made Keyon change his mind about pursing Candi. Whatever that something was, is a mystery, but Shante assumed it could have very well been the list that scared him off. Possibly, it could have been the sex, but whatever it was, it was something that made him stop responding like he was in the beginning. After dealing with this non-sense for a while, Candi decided it was time to question Keyon about his behavior. Keyon told her he felt like nothing had changed between them. Either Keyon was just plain clueless, or not on the same level with her. Yeah right! He knew fully darn well, that things had taken a sour turn. To no surprise, she threatens him with saying “I don't want to see you anymore", and his response was “whatever, I don’t care”, then he hanged up.
Days went by without them talking, then all of a sudden, Keyon would call Candi out of the blue and ask her to come over to his place. Candi would happily oblige. She has lived in her apartment for almost a year now, and Keyon has yet to come visit her place. When she invites him, he says he will come over, but never does. There have been numerous occasions when Candi was invited to Keyon's place, just to have her arrive and Keyon is not there, or he’ll be there and fall asleep on her.
Here is the issue... Candi asked Shante to probe and find out information, from the Shante’s husband, as to why the Keyon’s behavior had changed towards her. Shante wasn’t too keen on asking Greg for information about Keyon, but she wanted to try to help Candi out. Shante ended up getting a little bit of information from Greg, but before she told Candi what she knew, she told Candi not to repeat any information because Keyon would know exactly where the information came from. Lord and behold, Candi went back and told the Keyon everything that Shante asked her not to mention. Keyon knew right away where the information had come from.
The whole purpose of getting information for Candi was for her to use the information to help her make a decision as to whether or not she would to continue to be involved with Keyon. But, because Candi went back and told Keyon what was said, she and Shante fell out with each other. Shante flat out told Candi that she was not being smart about continuing to see Keyon, and even mentioned that he very well may be seeing someone else. Shante told Candi that Keyon wasn't really feeling her anymore. Candi didn't want to hear that, but she agreed and told Shante that she decided not to see Keyon anymore, but felt the need to sleep with Keyon just one more time.
Three months passed and Candi didn’t mention Keyon. Then one day out the blue, Candi slipped up and said she was still seeing him! Candi said she uses Keyon as her “jump-off.” She really likes Keyon, but he has not shown her the same feelings or respect in return. Keyon just is not right for Candi, and she knows it, but she continues to make excuses for his behavior.
Here is the issue... Candi asked Shante to probe and find out information, from the Shante’s husband, as to why the Keyon’s behavior had changed towards her. Shante wasn’t too keen on asking Greg for information about Keyon, but she wanted to try to help Candi out. Shante ended up getting a little bit of information from Greg, but before she told Candi what she knew, she told Candi not to repeat any information because Keyon would know exactly where the information came from. Lord and behold, Candi went back and told the Keyon everything that Shante asked her not to mention. Keyon knew right away where the information had come from.
The whole purpose of getting information for Candi was for her to use the information to help her make a decision as to whether or not she would to continue to be involved with Keyon. But, because Candi went back and told Keyon what was said, she and Shante fell out with each other. Shante flat out told Candi that she was not being smart about continuing to see Keyon, and even mentioned that he very well may be seeing someone else. Shante told Candi that Keyon wasn't really feeling her anymore. Candi didn't want to hear that, but she agreed and told Shante that she decided not to see Keyon anymore, but felt the need to sleep with Keyon just one more time.
Three months passed and Candi didn’t mention Keyon. Then one day out the blue, Candi slipped up and said she was still seeing him! Candi said she uses Keyon as her “jump-off.” She really likes Keyon, but he has not shown her the same feelings or respect in return. Keyon just is not right for Candi, and she knows it, but she continues to make excuses for his behavior.
So, the question is: Why do so many women tolerate this type of behavior from men? Do women really believe they can make a man love them? Why do women ignore the obvious signs of a man that’s not into them?
1 comment:
Fear.
Fear is a strong motivator for many unwise decisions. There's the fear of rejection, of being alone, of being unlovable and unloved, and of failure or making a mistake. I think that many times in situations like these, the woman doesn't want to feel like she gave up the goodies for nothing; that she is too smart to let that happen. Especially when she's talking marriage, children, and a long-term relationship, she's not looking for a jump-off. I think it's more that many times women don't want to believe the obvious signs that a man is not into them. This comes especially after putting her time, energy, emotions, and body into a "relationship." Again, there's the fear of being wrong, of supposedly failing in this relationship, of being rejected and alone.
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